他是佛罗伦萨旧式贵族,所有他对于自己的血统和种族非常自傲。甚至比对于他的天才更加自傲。他不答应人家当他是艺术家看待:

“我不是雕塑家米开朗琪罗,我是米开朗琪罗·鲍那洛蒂”

他在精神上便是一个贵族,而且具有一切阶级的偏见,他甚至说“修炼艺术的,当是贵族而非平民。”

Old Florentine that he was, he was filled with the pride of his blood and his race. He was prouder of his lineage than of his genius even. He would not permit people to regard him as an artist.

"I am not the sculptor Michael Angelo . . ." he said, "I am Michael Angelo Buonarroti. . . ."

He was mentally an aristocrat and possessed all the prejudices of his caste. He even went so far as to say that "art ought to be exercised by nobles, not by plebeians."

他对于家族抱有宗教般的,古代的,几乎是野蛮的观念。他为它牺牲一切,而且要别人和他一样牺牲。他将,如他所说的,“为了它而卖掉自己,如奴隶一般。”

He had a religious, antique, almost barbarian conception of the family. He sacrificed everything to it and wished others to do the same. As he himself said, he would have "sold himself as a slave for its sake."

他在持续不断的兴奋中过生活。他的过分的力量使他感到痛苦,这痛苦逼迫他行动,不息地行动,一小时也不得休息。

他要成为一切:工程师、手工人、断石工人;他要独个干完一切;建造宫邸,教堂,由他一个人来。这是一种判罚苦役的生活。他甚至不愿分出时间去饮食睡眠。在他的信札里,随处看得到同样可怜的语句:

“我几乎没有用餐的时间……我没有时间吃东西……十二年以来,我的肉体被疲倦所毁坏了,我缺乏一切必需品……我没有一个铜子,我是裸体了,我感受无数的痛苦……我在悲惨与痛苦中讨生活……我和患难争斗……”

这患难其实是虚幻的。Michael Angelo是富有的;但富有对于他有何用处?他如一个穷人一样生活,被劳作束缚着好似一匹马被磨轮的轴子系住一般。没有人会懂得他如此自苦的原因。没有人能懂得他为何不能自主地使自己受苦,也没有人能懂得他的自苦对于他实是一种需要。

He lived like a poor man, harnessed to his task like a horse to a millstone. No one could understand why he thus tortured himself. No one could understand that it was out of his power not to torture himself—that it was a necessity for him.

痛苦久了,他竟嗜好有痛苦,他在其中觅得一种悲苦的乐趣:

“愈使我受苦的我愈欢喜。”

"E piu mi giova dove piu mi nuoce."

对于他,一切都成为痛苦的题目,--甚至爱,甚至善。

Everything had become pain to him--even love and even virtue.

他是孤独的。--他恨人;他亦被人恨。他爱人;他不被人爱。人们对他又是钦佩,又是畏惧。

贝多芬的忧郁是人类的过失;他天性是快乐的,他希望快乐。Michael Angelo却是内心忧郁,这忧郁令人害怕,一切的人本能地逃避他。他在周围造成一片空虚。

这还不算什么。最坏的并非是成为孤独,而是对自己也孤独了,和自己也不能生活,不能为自己主宰,而且否认自己,与自己斗争,毁坏自己。他的心魂永远在欺妄他的天才。人们时常说起他有一种“反对自己”的宿命,使他不能实现他任何伟大的计划,这宿命便是他自己。

在艺术上,政治上,在他一切行动和一切思想上,他都是优柔寡断的。

他是弱者,在种种方面都是弱者,为了德性和为了胆怯。

他目睹他的故乡沦陷,目击意大利沦于野蛮民族之手。目击自由之消灭,眼见他所爱的人一个个逝世,眼见艺术上的光明,一颗颗熄灭。

我们,享受他的天才的结晶时,和享受我们祖先的功绩一般,再也想不起他所流的鲜血。

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